With social media, we have creative control over what we share with the world, and soft launching is a prime example of that! This tactic, often used by Gen-Z and Millennials, allows someone to introduce a new romantic relationship on their terms.
Much like soft launching a new product or business, this practice in relationships entails making a public statement that hints at the fact that someone is no longer single. They may post a picture of a gift given by their new beau or a romantic dinner for two. But, they’re not quite ready to reveal the identity of their special someone or explicitly state that they’re dating.
In this article, we’ll talk about why soft launching has become so popular, what psychologists and dating experts are saying about it, and what it could offer new generations of people dating in the time of the internet.
The Rise of Soft Launching in Modern Dating
Popularity Among Gen-Z and Millennials
Soft launching can be used by people of all ages, but it seems to be particularly popular with Gen-Z and Millennials. In fact, a review of Tinder data reveals that 26% of 18- to 34-year-olds on the platform would opt to soft launch their relationship. That’s compared to only 8% who would go for a hard launch.
Given that people in these age groups have grown up with the internet, the shift towards more privacy and autonomy makes sense. These are folks who have seen and experienced the good and bad of boldly putting yourself out there online. And in response, they have created an alternative that gives them more control over how they choose to share their intimate lives.
Celebrity Influence on Soft Launching
As is the case with many popular trends, celebrities have had a huge influence on soft launching. And, it’s not surprising that this group of people would be such big proponents of this practice! After all, people in the public eye have always had to contend with tabloids, journalists, and fans who want to know every detail about their private lives. With a soft launch, though, they’re able to regain control over the narrative. And they can even build up a bit of buzz around their love life instead of revealing everything at once.
We’ll talk more in detail about some of the most famous soft launches to come out of the last ten years. But the fact is, many, many celebrities have relied on this tactic. Maisie Peters, for instance, posted a Polaroid of a steamy moment with an unidentified man in 2023. Similarly, WNBA star Kate Martin made waves by posting an ambiguous selfie with someone fans speculated might be her new girlfriend.
The Cultural Shift Toward Privacy
Origins and Evolution of the Term
Soft launching has been a marketing tactic in business for decades, but how did it make its way into the dating world? Well, we probably have comedian, writer, and actress Rachel Senmott to thank for that! While she wasn’t the first one to use the term on X (or Twitter in those days), her viral tweet in 2020 solidified it in popular culture.
Her quippy tweet read, “Congrats on the internet soft launch of ur boyfriend (pic on story, elbow, and side profile only)” Her joke poked fun at the way that many people’s reveal of a new partner is often strategic: they opt to post in a temporary story instead of on their main feed, and will post a picture that hides their partner’s identity with a side profile shot instead of their full face.
Clearly, Senmott’s tweet struck a nerve as it was liked over 127,000 times!
Soft Launch September
By 2021, the idea of the soft launch was all over the place, with more jokes and social commentary on Twitter as well as tutorials on TikTok and Instagram Reels. The pop culture website, The Cut, took the idea a step further by introducing “Soft Launch September.”
This version of the soft launch coincides with the onset of the “Cuffing Season,” when cooler temperatures encourage folks to start partnering up romantically before winter. In other words, if you’re practicing a Soft Launch September, you’re likely to be posting romantic stories of you and someone new enjoying Pumpkin Spice Lattes, visiting an apple orchard, or maybe even making plans to visit family for Thanksgiving.
Psychological Insights into Soft Launching
Motivations Behind Soft Launching
Whenever a new dating trend hits the internet, there’s usually a group of psychologists, dating experts, and researchers who are ready to study it!
When psychologist Van Sela was interviewed on the subject for Rappler, she took a somewhat concerned approach by suggesting that soft launchers could be struggling with the implications of sharing their newfound love whether it’s a case of low self-esteem, validation-seeking behavior, or fear of rejection by followers, people who soft launch don’t feel entirely comfortable exposing their love life.
Later on, we’ll go into further detail on some of the leading theories on why people soft launch and the effect that it may have on new relationships.
Managing Relationship Dynamics in the Digital Age
There’s no doubt that we as a culture have had to navigate relationships differently with the start of the Digital Age. As such, our ideas on how to balance privacy and connection have also shifted over time.
Let’s consider, for example, that back in the heyday of Facebook, it was quite common for new couples to officially announce their relationship on their wall. In fact, it was one of the platform's earliest and most popular features, allowing users to identify themselves by relationship status, from “single” to “in a relationship” to the angsty “it’s complicated.” And, becoming “Facebook official” was considered a big deal in a relationship, akin to having the exclusivity talk and meeting the parents.
Now, though, our ideas on such public statements have changed. Many view Facebook relationship announcements as cringe, preferring to take a more subtle approach. The soft launch can be seen as a direct response to earlier internet habits, that were at once bold and maybe a little bit naively honest.
Real-Life Examples and Case Studies
Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly's Hard Launch
If you’re still confused about what a soft launch looks like, it’s worth taking a closer look at one of recent history’s most well-known hard launches for comparison. We’re talking, of course, about the infamous Megan Fox and MGK music video that sent the internet into a frenzy.
Even though the celebrity couple opted for a soft launch early in 2020 (posting a picture on Instagram of their cast chairs sitting next to each other on the movie set they both worked on), they turned the volume way up when Megan starred in MGK’s music video, Bloody Valentine, just two months after they met. By July of that year, they were giving joint interviews about their relationship.
Sharing their passionate, new love for one another was something of a double-edged sword. That’s because being so public about their relationship from the start meant that all eyes were on the two through the next four years of ups and downs, eventually ending in the break-off of their engagement.
Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker's Soft Launch
When it comes to celebrity public image, the Kardashians basically wrote the rule book for controlling their own narrative. So it’s no surprise that Kourtney and her new boo Travis Barker would be able to give the world such a perfectly orchestrated soft launch.
It started when Travis started regularly commenting on Kourney’s Instagram posts. Then, boom. She posted a picture of a romantic fire over Valentine’s weekend in 2021, soon followed by another of the two holding hands.
Once their relationship went officially public, it became clear just how much their bond had developed behind the scenes. A few months later, the two were married, suggesting that they may have been courting each other in real life—and out of the public eye—for some time.
Zendaya and Tom Holland's Subtle Reveal
Another favorite celebrity soft launch, or should we say series of soft launches, has been that of Zendaya and Tom Holland, a couple that fans had been shipping ever since they met in 2016.
In true Gen-Z fashion, the pair have never officially come out as a couple. Instead, they’ve shared a variety of open-ended selfie captions, comments, and movie promotion posts that have left fans wondering. If it weren’t for the leaked photo of them kissing in their car—a situation that made Holland speak publicly about the frustrations of being unable to have a private life—we probably still would be asking “Will they or won’t they?”
It seems that opting for a soft launch has allowed them to maintain a little bit of privacy.
Statistics and Research on Social Media and Relationships
Impact on Relationship Satisfaction
So what does the phenomenon of soft launching mean for modern dating and relationship satisfaction? Well, it depends on how much the soft launcher is focusing their energy on their online presence versus the new relationship. For instance, a 2021 study in the journal Social Science Computer Review found that increased Instagram use led to decreased relationship satisfaction.
That could mean that people who are more interested in snapping the perfect soft launch selfie could be sacrificing essential quality time needed to deepen the relationship in real life.
Pew Research Center Findings
Despite the research suggesting that more social media use can negatively affect romantic relationships, a huge portion of the population sees posting about their special someone as a sign of care. In fact, a 2019 Pew Research Center study found that 48% of young adults considered social media as an important medium for demonstrating their feelings for their partner.
One conclusion that we can make from this finding is that even though many young people claim to want privacy and control over the announcement of their relationships, they still may be placing more emphasis on social media than is healthy.
Gendered Preferences in Soft Launching
Interestingly, internal profile biodata from Tinder spanning from late 2022 to February 2023 found that Gen-Z women are more likely to state that they would prefer a soft launch than men.
There are a couple of possible explanations for this tendency. One, the internet is a more dangerous place for women in general. Soft launching, then, could provide a buffer from potential harassment and negative commentary that is more likely to be lobbed at women.
And two, there may also be a fear of women around appearing too eager about their new relationship. In other words, the stereotype that women are quicker to rush into a relationship than men may encourage them to take a more calculated approach to announcing their new relationship on social media.
Opinions and Expert Insights
Susan Winter's Perspective
Dating expert Susan Winter explains that soft launching could be an effective tactic for testing the waters of a blossoming relationship. Instead of rushing into a commitment, she says, this practice allows someone to gauge how their friends and family react to the potential partner.
Devyn Simone's Take on Soft Launching
Even though some see soft launching as a sign of low self-esteem or lack of confidence in the relationship, other dating experts have a different take. Tinder’s resident dating expert, Devyn Simone, for instance, suggests that soft launching could be a way to balance privacy with publicity. This healthy alternative, she says, is an important way to make sure that the relationship is on solid ground before sharing their happiness with other people.
Betsy Chung's Psychological Analysis
Similar to Devyn Simone, clinical psychologist Betsy Chung views soft launching as a good thing in new relationships. Instead of exposing the relationship before each partner is ready, soft launching, in her opinion, allows for a more comfortable and gradual transition towards a public relationship. This could prevent the couple or individual from facing scrutiny and unwanted attention at the beginning of a relationship.
Conclusion
Soft launching is a relatively new concept in modern dating that has received both praise and scrutiny over the last few years. One thing that is for sure is that it’s probably here to stay. Whether it’s your favorite celebrity posting an extravagant gift they received from “my guy” or your friend from high school who posted the back of their new beau’s head at the beach, the soft launch approach offers autonomy and privacy in a world of instant information.
Overall, a soft launch can be a sign of a healthy relationship with the internet, regardless of whether the relationship itself is built to last!