Sugar Daddy Dating: Understanding and Managing Expectations

If you’re struggling with managing expectations in sugar dating, you’re in the majority! Everyone comes to the world of sugaring with their own ideas, desires, and assumptions that need to be ironed out in order to create a healthy arrangement.

Luckily, there are a few simple tricks for dealing with expectations with your partner. By making these small adjustments, you can enjoy a more balanced, happy relationship!

First, take a look at your own expectations in sugar dating

Before we talk about your sugar partner’s expectations, it’s always a good idea to start with some self-reflection. What expectations are you bringing to the table? Are they expectations that belong in a sugar relationship? If you expect something from your partner, how will you reciprocate to make the relationship more balanced?

Here are a few categories of expectations that you’ll want to explore for yourself:

Emotional expectations

Some people get into sugaring because they eventually want to meet “The One.” Others would rather separate emotion from their arrangement completely, enjoying the present moment without worrying about emotional entanglement.

What kind of emotional connection do you expect from your partner?

Physical expectations

If you’re the kind of person who enjoys hand-holding, hugging, and other forms of PDA, you might be looking for a partner who is equally open to physical touch. Or, if you don’t enjoy physical connection, you might expect your partner to respect your space.

Time and effort expectations

Sugaring requires effort from both partners, but everyone has different ideas of what that might look like. For instance, do you expect your partner to show up to your date in their very best clothes? Or, is it more important to you that they take time out of their day to send you sweet messages or talk on the phone?

Material expectations

Gift-giving can be a big part of sugaring, and as a sugar baby especially, you’ll want to get clear about what kinds of material benefits you expect. Is it important for your sugar daddy to show up with a gift every time they see you? Or, would you rather be treated to experiences like romantic vacations, spa days, or shopping sprees?

Be proactive about your boundaries

Once you’ve put a good amount of thought into your expectations, it’s time to translate them into clear boundaries or benefits. These are going to be the terms of your agreement that you present to your partner during the negotiation phase. By being proactive in this part of the relationship-building process, everyone will be more clear about your expectations.

Here are a few examples of how to turn your expectations into clear terms:

Physical expectation: You are comfortable with physical touch, but not PDA. You expect your partner to give you personal space in public.

“I want to let you know that I am open to physical touch and connection, but not in public. That includes hand-holding, hugging, and kissing.”

Time expectation: You expect that your sugar partner will stay off of their phone during your dates.

“One thing that is important to me is being present during my sugar dates. I understand having your phone on for emergencies, but I would appreciate that neither of us be glued to our phones or taking work calls during our dates.”

Emotional expectation: You expect that your sugar partner will maintain emotional distance and not become attached or dependent on the relationship.

“I want to make it clear that I’m looking for an arrangement that isn’t romantic or emotional. I expect us both to have full, separate lives from each other and simply enjoy each other’s company when we’re together. So, I won’t be available for chatting or calls when we’re not together unless it’s to organize our next date.”

Ask about your partner’s expectations

Once you’ve set the tone of the negotiation process by stating your expectations, it’s time to hear your potential partner’s ideas. Use this opportunity to ask clarifying questions, but don’t be overly judgmental or critical of what their expectations are. Remember that everyone is welcome to express what they want in a sugar relationship, and you can decide whether to comply, find a compromise, or walk away.

Look out for these red flags for expectations in sugar dating

To be sure, you want to give your partner space to talk about their expectations. But, sometimes, you’ll come across a potential partner whose expectations are unfair and unreasonable. Here are a few red flags that suggest you might need to push back or walk away:

• Their expectations greatly outweigh what they’re willing to offer. Let’s say that a sugar daddy is offering to take you out once in a while. But in return, they expect you to be available for video calls any time they want to talk to you. In this scenario, their expectations for you are not equal to the benefits they’re offering.
• Their expectations are unclear or contradictory. Someone who isn’t able to clearly communicate their expectations could end up becoming frustrated with you for not being a mind-reader. Examples of unclear expectations include, “I don’t usually like physical touch unless I’m in the mood for it” or “I like gifts but not cheesy ones.”
• They are unwilling to compromise. Let’s say that a sugar partner has an expectation that you’ll have a date every Thursday. But, you’re scheduled to work on Thursdays. Instead of compromising and choosing another day of the week, they expect you to change your schedule to accommodate their preference.
• Their expectations change unpredictably. Sometimes a partner may share their expectations during the negotiation process only to change their mind at a later date. They may, for instance, get upset with you for never calling them when they never stated that they want phone calls.
• Their response to unmet expectations is out of proportion. Another big red flag is how a potential partner reacts to their expectations not being met. In a healthy arrangement, your partner will calmly restate their expectation and work with you to find a compromise or solution. Someone unreasonable will blow up and make calm communication impossible.

Expectations in sugar dating require communication

Whatever you want to call them—expectations, assumptions, boundaries, or benefits—every sugar arrangement has them. The important thing is how you communicate. You can do this by identifying and communicating your own expectations. Then, you’ll need to ask your partner about their expectations. And finally, be ready to talk through compromises and solutions when your expectations aren’t aligned. In this way, you can create the sugar relationship of your dreams!