No matter what kind of relationship you find yourself in—a traditional romantic one, a friends-with-benefits situation, a sugar relationship, or other—it’s your mental health relationship that will determine how you experience your connection with your partner!
In this article, we’re going to take a look at how you can build a better bond with yourself in order to show up for your relationships in a healthy, balanced way!
What the science says about mental health and romance
Mental health is a widely studied topic, so there are plenty of publications looking into how our psychological state impacts our romantic relationships.
On the one hand, studies have found that being in a healthy, supportive relationship can improve your mental health in the following ways:
- Lowering cortisol levels as the result of physical touch.
- Offering you a source of support through difficult life challenges and moments of stress.
- Providing a sense of belonging and purpose.
- Improving everyday wellness and satisfaction as a result of shared joy, laughter, intimacy, comfort, and routine.
Further, those with severe mental health problems have been found to navigate their diagnosis better with a partner than alone. This may be the result of having someone there to validate their experience, counter their internalized stigma, offer gentle reality checks, and motivate them to seek out help. Even so, participants in the study pointed out that poor mental health symptoms did cause strain in their relationships.
Indeed, poor mental health has been shown to negatively impact romantic relationships in general. In the majority of cases, people suffering from poor mental health tend to struggle with building and maintaining strong bonds with family members, friends, and romantic partners. And one study found that one partner’s mental health can be a predictor of whether a marriage will last. In fact, in the case of men, poor mental health was linked to feeling less satisfied with their partners.
What all of this research can tell us is that mental health and the health of our relationships are clearly intertwined! While relationships can help improve our overall happiness and life satisfaction, poor mental health can also put a strain on romantic partnerships. As such, we should strive to improve our own mental health in order to reap the benefits of being in a romantic relationship! For the rest of this article, we’ll talk about how to strengthen your mental health relationship with yourself so that you can find more satisfaction in your dating life!
What you can do to improve your mental health relationship
There’s no one-size-fits-all to good mental health. Everyone has their own brain chemistry, past experiences, and personality traits that shape how they see themselves and the world. But, there are a few commonalities that researchers have found to improve mood and life satisfaction. Here are a few of them:
Exercise
Exercise has been shown extensively to lower cortisol and increase feel-good chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins. This can lead to both short-term and long-term benefits relating to life satisfaction, while also providing secondary benefits such as a sense of community, accomplishment, and self-confidence.
The trick is to find a form of exercise that is enjoyable and accessible to you. Whether it’s power walking through the park, joining a yoga class, swimming, or weight-lifting, the important thing is that you find a style of exercise that works for your body, schedule, and personal preference.
Quality Sleep
Another benefit of exercise is that it can improve sleep, which is a major component of mental wellness. Not getting enough sleep can leave us feeling more sensitive to daily stressors and more likely to feel negative emotions. In contrast, good quality sleep can improve our creativity, memory, and problem-solving skills, as well as make us feel more satisfied in our relationships.
Unfortunately, some barriers to good sleep are unavoidable. You may, for instance, have a baby or young child that wakes you up through the night or live next to a busy freeway that never quiets down. Still, try to implement some of the following tricks for better sleep:
- Go to sleep at the same time every day.
- Reduce your caffeine intake. Even if you feel that caffeine doesn’t affect you, it could be lowering the quality of your sleep.
- Increase your daily exercise.
- Turn off screens at least an hour before you go to sleep.
- Consider undergoing a sleep study to learn more about your sleep patterns.
Healthy Eating and Hydration
It can be difficult to keep up with changes in nutrition science and trends in fad diets. But in general, the science shows that eating a good balance of fruits, vegetables, legumes, and nuts, plus a moderate amount of eggs, poultry, and dairy can lead to lower rates of depression and other mental health disorders. To be sure, occasionally indulging in foods that you enjoy but that may not be highly nutritious is normal and can provide comfort and satisfaction. Indeed, depriving yourself of foods that you enjoy can have a negative effect on mental health.
The takeaway is to find a generally healthy diet that you can stick to in the long term. And don’t feel overly guilty about treating yourself to something outside of your normal meal plan!
Social Connection
Social connection is a major factor in mental wellness. In fact, the lack of a social network has been shown to have detrimental impacts on mood and life satisfaction. No matter if you consider yourself to be an introvert or shy person, or are too busy with your work or other responsibilities to have an active social life, it’s important that you’re able to maintain at least a few key social relationships for your wellbeing.
You’ll notice that we’ve recommended social relationships that exist outside of your relationship, and this is important! Most mental health professionals point out that romantic relationships benefit from each partner having strong bonds with friends or family members outside of the relationship.
Emotional Regulation Skills
If you find yourself overwhelmed by emotions, sensitive to changes in your environment, or generally out of control of your own mental state, there are steps that you can take to regulate your mental health. Some options available to you could be:
- The help of a professional therapist or counselor.
- Mood-regulating medications prescribed by a psychiatrist or medical doctor.
- Support groups
- Meditation
- Journaling
The list goes on
We’ve shared a few factors that have been shown to improve a person’s quality of life, but your list might be different or include other elements, such as a sense of purpose, positive self-talk, and more. Take the time to explore habits, activities, and core values that you feel are essential to your mental health relationship with yourself!
How to talk to your partner about their mental health relationship
Because no one partner is responsible for the success of a relationship, you shouldn’t be the only one thinking about your mental health relationship! Whether you consider your partner to be a generally happy person or in need of a few adjustments to improve their life satisfaction, it’s important to talk about mental health and wellness. Of course, not everyone feels comfortable with the emotional intimacy required to talk about this subject, so you might consider broaching the subject with the following questions:
- In what ways does our relationship support our wellbeing? I.e. being able to destress after a long day at work, having someone to help with the cleaning, etc.
- How do we show up for each other in moments of stress?
- Are there moments when either one of us doesn’t feel supported?
- How do each of us tend to our own mental wellness outside of the relationship?
- Is there something that either one of us could be doing to better support the other?
· These are simple talking points to open up deeper discussions about how your mental health affects your relationship. While you have these conversations, keep the following in mind:
- Each of you may have different ways of dealing with stress, insecurity, and other uncomfortable emotions.
- Active listening is crucial. Make sure that each partner has a chance to speak uninterrupted and that you are both listening to understand instead of responding.
- You don’t have to solve all of your problems in one conversation.
- A couple’s therapist can help to facilitate these kinds of conversations if you’re struggling to do so without reaching a stalemate or getting too emotional.
How will you think about your mental health relationship moving forward?
In this article, we’ve introduced a few ways that mental health can impact romantic relationships. The hope is that, by seeing the importance of mental wellness on relationship satisfaction, you and your partner can commit to making small changes to care for your mental health and each other. So, how will you change your mental health relationship with yourself?