How to Be More Approachable

Practicing how to be more approachable in your romantic life has many potential benefits! Maybe you’re looking to connect with your significant other’s friends and colleagues. Or, perhaps, you’d like to attract the attention of someone new. No matter your reasons, there are a few easy ways to make people flock to you!

Let’s boost your approachability meter!

Put the phone down

One of the quickest ways to shut yourself off from the outside world is by being glued to your phone. And we get it. This is a really hard habit to break. So, here are a few tactics that can help:

• Put your phone on silent. It’s a lot easier to forget about your phone when it’s not vibrating every five minutes. If you can’t have your phone completely on silent, try muting notifications for non-essential apps.
• Stow your phone in a difficult-to-reach place. Another simple but effective tactic is to make your phone hard to get by putting it in a pocket with a zipper or at the bottom of your purse.
• Give yourself a time limit. Quitting anything cold turkey is hard. If you’re struggling, try giving yourself a time limit such as five or ten minutes without your phone.
• Try swapping out a phone for something more approachable. Often, we look at our phones out of boredom or social anxiety. So, see if you can replace the habit with something less closed-off to the world around you. When you’re having your latte at the coffee shop, for instance, try reading a book, knitting, drawing, or writing, which are all activities that invite curious people!

Lift your gaze

Eye contact and an open expression are two essential elements of approachability! Scanning the room with a friendly look on your face is basically like a bullhorn that says you’re ready for connection. And when you lift your gaze, you’re more likely to make eye contact with someone who’s looking for the same thing!

Loosen up a little!

Meeting new people can be nerve-wracking. However, allowing your nerves to show in your body language will make people less likely to approach. Here are a few things you’ll want to focus on when learning how to be more approachable:

• Lower your shoulders
• Unclench your jaw
• Relax the muscles around your eyes
• Don’t fold your arms
• Don’t be afraid to smile!

Focusing on these simple changes will make you appear much more comfortable and social. People are always drawn to someone who radiates self-confidence and calm!

Slow down

When you’re constantly on the move, you’ll always appear too busy to have a conversation. Rushing from task to task will also make you look stressed and unfriendly.

Of course, you may not be able to slow your everyday life down. But, you can set aside time every week to do some of your to-do list at a leisurely pace. For instance, take a trip to your local farmer’s market, leave the house fifteen minutes early to enjoy your coffee at the coffee shop, or take your dog for a walk in a more populated area. These small changes will not only make you more approachable, but they may just become the highlight of your week!

Be a conversation starter

There’s no rule that says being approachable is passive. In fact, you can make a great impression on someone by being the first to say hello.

If you’re not sure how to take the leap, you might ask them about what they’re reading, offer them a polite compliment, or even ask for a small favor like the time.

Don’t be a conversation stopper

The emotional leap of starting a conversation is tough! But you don’t want the interaction to end after a few terse words. Keep the flow going with some of these options:

• A short anecdote about your day
• A joke
• A follow-up question
• A recommendation request

Here’s an example of what a conversation stopper looks like, and how you can fix it:

“Hi, can I borrow your pen?”

“Sure, you can keep it.”

“Thanks, bye.”

As you can see, the interaction was friendly enough. But it didn’t really go anywhere. And we can bet that if you’re learning how to be more approachable, it’s because you want to actually connect with new people. Here’s how that conversation can go from a more social approach:

“Hi, can I borrow your pen?”

“Sure, you can keep it.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t dare! It’ll just get lost like all the other ones, and I can tell this one’s nice.” [laughter]

“Maybe you should buy yourself a pack, then you’ll never be without one.”

“Yeah, but then I wouldn’t have the opportunity to strike up interesting conversations with kind strangers.”

As you can see, this interaction is much more flirty and fun. It gives the clear message that you’re ready to connect. And it uses humor and playfulness to create instant chemistry.

Stay curious

Some people are just waiting for someone to come along and invite them out of their shell. And with the right questions, that person could be you! Being genuinely curious about people will make you click with them and invite them to open up. So, if you’re curious about something, ask!

We should note, of course, that curiosity can quickly backfire if you’re not careful. Remember that the idea isn’t to interrogate someone, but rather to engage in friendly conversation. And, you should always avoid topics that are too personal.

Be ready to go out on a limb, yourself

Being approachable is partly about letting people know you’re a safe person to be around. And, you can achieve this by showing a bit of vulnerability, yourself!

There are a few ways to do this. If you have a good sense of humor, you might make a lightly self-deprecating joke, such as, “My clumsy side strikes again! Would you mind passing me a few napkins?”

Or, if you find yourself at a party, you might approach someone and say, “I always feel so awkward going up to strangers and introducing myself, but here I am, introducing myself.”

Showing someone that you’re willing to look a bit foolish is charming. And it will break the tension enough to start building a connection!

Try subtle mirroring

Mirroring is a form of body language in which you match the movements of the person you’re talking to. It may sound strange, but many people do it subconsciously! Mirroring can be as subtle as tilting your head in the same direction as the other person, nodding when they nod, or following their gaze.

As with curiosity, make sure that your mirroring doesn’t go too far. If you force it, it will look robotic. So try to make it as natural and easy as possible.

Don’t take it personally if your efforts aren’t reciprocated

At the end of the day, you could be the most approachable person in the room and some people will still not want to engage. That’s not on you! Don’t take it personally, and don’t overstep. If someone isn’t picking up your bids for connection, simply shake it off and keep trying with someone else. With time and practice, you’re bound to come across more bridges than brick walls.

Are you ready to practice how to be more approachable?

If there’s one thing we hope you take away from this article, it’s that approachability isn’t some elusive or inherent thing. Some people may be naturally more approachable. But with a few easy changes, you can become the person that everyone in the room is excited to talk to!