In the sugaring world, you may find yourself with the possibility of dating a married man. But, as you’ve probably guessed, this can be a complex, nuanced situation that you may not feel entirely ready for.
In this article, we’re going to cover 10 important truths that you should consider before committing to an arrangement with a married man. Once you’ve thought through each one, you’ll be able to make the right decision for yourself!
1: His family will be his top priority
A sugar daddy with a spouse is likely to see his family as his main priority. This means that he may need to schedule his time with you around the needs of his family. Even if you have plans, an urgent family matter may lead him to reschedule or leave a date early. In addition, he may also prioritize his job as a means of caring for his family or invite his wife to important work or life events instead of you.
With this in mind, maintaining a successful arrangement with a married man will require you to not take it personally that you are not a top priority.
2: It is unlikely that he’ll leave his partner for you
It’s not unheard of in the sugaring community for an arrangement to develop into a traditional romance and even an eventual marriage. But the likelihood of this happening with a sugar daddy who is already married is very low.
Of course, a married sugar daddy may want a long-term arrangement that is stable and reliable. But, this is different from him ending his marriage to pursue a sugar relationship. As such, it can create heartbreak and disappointment if you have hopes of him leaving his wife.
In fact, if a married sugar daddy is making promises that he will end his marriage in order to be with you, proceed with extreme caution. This could be a dishonest manipulation tactic to buy time and keep you interested.
3: Your options for travel may be limited
Unless he is very rich and his spouse is accustomed to him spending a lot of time away from home, it’s probable that you won’t be going on lavish vacations with a married sugar daddy. After all, he may find it difficult to justify being away for extended periods of time. And, if he is going to go on a long, romantic vacation, it’s more likely that he will bring his spouse.
That’s not to say that the two of you won’t have meaningful, enjoyable experiences together. You may be invited along for work trips or be treated to the occasional weekend getaway. But, if you have dreams of luxurious trips abroad, it might be better to seek out an unmarried sugar daddy.
4: You may become a listening ear for his marital problems
Not all married sugar daddies will want to talk about their spouse, but in some cases, they’ll consider a sugar baby to be a neutral listening ear. There’s nothing wrong with this setup as long as you’re able to:
- Be compensated fairly for the emotional labor of hearing about his marital problems. If he’s going to call you in the middle of the night to talk, that should be something that is discussed during the relationship negotiation phase.
- Avoid allowing the content matter to affect you personally. If you start feeling jealous, resentful, or even depressed by the subject matter, consider letting your sugar daddy know that you need to change your role.
- Listen without necessarily giving marriage advice. Remember that you’re not your partner’s therapist or marriage counselor. So, practice listening without giving advice.
- Understand that you’re only getting one side of the story. In almost all cases, problems within a marriage are more complex than they seem from the outside. Keeping this in mind will help you to maintain a healthy perspective on the matter.
If you feel that your sugar daddy is relying too much on you to talk about their marriage, consider creating a boundary that protects you and your sugar relationship. Saying something like, “I enjoy our time together but I would appreciate it if we could talk about other subjects than your spouse” is reasonable and non-confrontational.
5: There may be some conversations that are off-limits
Even if a sugar daddy speaks openly about his spouse, that doesn’t mean that he’ll be willing to talk about other aspects of his personal life, as well. Some common touchy subjects may include:
- Any children he has.
- The intimate details of his relationship with his spouse.
- His in-laws.
- If he’s in the process of a divorce, the terms of the separation.
This is a pretty good starting list of conversations that you should avoid bringing up with your sugar daddy. But in order to get a better sense of what’s off-limits, make sure to ask him from the start. You might say something like, “I just want to make sure that I don’t step on any toes, so are there specific aspects of your life that you’d prefer I not ask about?” This is also a good opportunity for you to set boundaries around what you want to keep private, such as your family, your neighborhood, or the specifics of your love life outside of sugaring.
6: Married sugar daddies may prioritize drama-free relationships above all else
A sugar daddy who is already juggling a career and a family may be less tolerant of anything he perceives as drama. This is important to keep in mind for a number of reasons. For instance, it may mean that:
- He is less likely to want to talk through problems. If the two of you have a disagreement, he may try to end it quickly by agreeing with you, giving you a gift to smooth things over, invalidating you, or simply breaking up.
- He may not bend over backward to make your schedules work. Finding a time for both of you to meet up may be tricky, but don’t be surprised if he seems to throw in the towel more quickly than you would expect. He may believe it to be easier to find another sugar baby whose schedule is more compatible with his than to rearrange things to make room for you.
- He may not give you the courtesy of a proper goodbye. Unfortunately, ghosting is prevalent in both traditional relationships and sugar dating, and a married man may not be emotionally invested or mature enough to break up properly. This has more to do with his avoidance of negative feelings than with you.
To be sure, we’re not saying that this is true for all married sugar daddies! But, for the ones who may already be feeling overwhelmed by their responsibilities, their behavior may reflect their desire to avoid conflict at all costs. Again, try not to take it personally.
7: Some marriages are open, but you probably won’t know the truth for sure
A married sugar daddy may say certain things to make you (or himself) feel better about entering into an arrangement, such as:
- “The marriage is open.” He may tell you that he’s already had a conversation with his spouse about sugaring and she is totally on board.
- “My spouse knows that I have a sugar baby.” Another version of the above statement is that maybe the spouse isn’t entirely okay with the arrangement but at least she knows that it’s happening.
- “My spouse is cheating on me.” This can be used as a justification for entering into a sugar arrangement.
- “The marriage is ending.” He may tell you that they’ve been talking about divorce or are separated. Or, this may be a way to say that the marriage exists only in formal terms but that there is no longer love or care between them.
At the end of the day, you cannot know for sure what the dynamics of the marriage are. You only have what your sugar daddy tells you. So, you do have to become comfortable with the possibility that your sugar daddy is telling you what you want to hear or a version of the truth that makes them feel better.
8: Your relationship may be more secretive than with other sugar daddies
Some sugar daddies are confident about taking their partner on dates to public places or events where they’ll be introduced to colleagues, friends, or even family members. But this is less likely in the case of married sugar daddies.
There are a few different possible reasons for this, including:
- He may be hiding his sugar relationship from his wife or other people in his life.
- He may not want the ridicule of people who know the truth.
- He may feel guilty about having a sugar partner.
As a result, you may find that your sugar daddy schedules dates in distant parts of the city or prefers secluded dates to more public settings. He may also want you to comply with an agreed-upon story that you can tell people in case you're caught by someone he knows.
9: You have to be ready for the backlash of his spouse finding out
There’s no question: a married man dating a sugar baby without the consent of his spouse is a betrayal on the part of the husband. And if that information is shared with the spouse, it’s impossible to predict how she might react to the news.
In many cases, a person will blame the sugar baby because that is more emotionally accessible than admitting that a trusted loved one betrayed them. This can put the sugar baby at risk of verbal abuse, harassment, and even physical threat.
As such, it may be wise to consider keeping personal details, such as addresses, full name, place of employment, and social media accounts, private even from the sugar daddy. This can give you a layer of protection in the worst-case scenario.
It’s also worth considering how you may feel if you find out that you’ve been involved in causing emotional harm to another person. After all, you may go into the relationship thinking that you can maintain emotional distance, but can you be sure of how you’ll feel if you ever come face-to-face with the spouse? This is a moral question that you should give yourself time to sit with before making your final decision.
10: Your personal health and well-being are your top priority
The most important thing to consider when thinking about dating a married sugar daddy is how you can keep yourself safe, both emotionally and physically. Some important questions to ask yourself are:
- Can you maintain emotional distance so that you don’t get hurt?
- How can you ensure that your life outside of the sugar relationship is fulfilling?
- If there is a physical component to your relationship, how do you plan on protecting yourself from communicable diseases?
- How would you deal with an abrupt ending?
- Do you have a non-judgmental support system that you can talk through potential issues with?
- Are you emotionally and morally comfortable with this arrangement?
At the end of the day, you are the only one who can make the judgment call about dating a married man. So, take as much time as you need, consider the repercussions and possibilities carefully, and make the decision that is right for you.