Let’s face it: lawyers don’t have the best reputation. And when it comes to dating a lawyer, you might have heard rumors and myths that are keeping you from moving forward. If you’ve found yourself on the fence about whether you can be happy with someone in this profession, this article is for you!
Let’s cover the case by looking at both the challenges and benefits of dating someone with a law degree.
Why consider dating a lawyer?
Before we dive into some tips on how to create a fulfilling relationship, let’s cover some of the most compelling reasons to date a lawyer in the first place! Of course, while every lawyer is unique, many offer some or all of the following appealing characteristics:
- Intelligent. If you’re attracted to intelligence, it makes sense that you would want to date someone with a law degree! Getting into this profession requires a high level of reasoning skills, logic, and dynamic problem-solving.
- Focused. From the moment they started pouring over their books in law school to scrutinizing contracts and legal precedence in their post-grad role, lawyers are some of the most focused people you’ll ever meet. If you’re lucky, they’ll turn their focus on you and make you feel like the only person in the world!
- Organized. Whether it’s their busy schedule or their legal documents, lawyers have to be well-organized to do their job well. Don’t be surprised if they also keep a clean, organized house, too!
- Self-sufficient. Okay, they may rely on their personal assistant, but in general, lawyers are self-sufficient and independent. That can be a good thing if you’re looking for a partner who doesn’t need or want a caretaker.
- Job stability. The legal profession is broad, which means that there are many different job opportunities for anyone with a law degree.
Seems like a pretty good deal, right? So, if you are going to start dating lawyers, what are some of the tips you’ll need to foster a healthy, successful relationship?
1: Consider the kind of lawyer you’re dating
Law is a huge field with many different types of practices. A lawyer who practices intellectual property law for a huge company, for example, will have a very different lifestyle than someone who is a public defender.
This is important to keep in mind because each type of law will come with its own benefits and challenges in a relationship. Here are a few examples:
- High-paying corporate law. Some of the pros of dating someone who practices this type of law are that they will enjoy a high income and possibly opportunities for travel. But, get ready for a lifestyle that is busy and demanding! This upper level of law can also be quite competitive, meaning that your partner may have to prioritize their job over everything else.
- Family law. This is a large field of law that can cover everything from divorce to custody battles to immigration and more. Lawyers in this field tend to have no shortage of work and can enjoy a comfortable, and even luxurious lifestyle depending on their clientele. At the same time, family law can be emotionally taxing and even influence your partner’s views about marriage and child-rearing.
- Public defense, civil rights law, and environmental activism. Many lawyers get into this field because they want to make a positive difference in the world. And this can mean that they are empathic, passionate, and determined. That being said, this type of law often comes with many setbacks and struggles, which can lead to burnout or stress. These practices also tend to be lowest paying; lawyers who choose this area do it for personal satisfaction or because they are trying to gain experience.
As you can see, there are many different kinds of lawyers out there! So, if you’re thinking of dating someone in this field, ask them what type of law they practice, why they chose that profession, and how it influences their lifestyle.
2: Be ready for long, unpredictable work hours
No matter what kind of law your partner practices, you can assume that they’re probably not going to have a standard 9-to-5 schedule. They may work long hours, weekends, and even holidays depending on the needs of their clients. And, it’s not uncommon for them to bring work home with them, spending hours in their home office or answering phone calls.
To be sure, this is one of the most challenging aspects of dating a lawyer, but there are a few ways to make it easier:
- Ask for the occasional check-in during the work day. If you’re feeling disconnected from your overly busy lawyer partner, ask if they could spare a couple of minutes a day to send you a quick check-in text or phone call. A message as simple as, “I hope you’re having a good day” can be enough to make you feel connected.
- Plan activities together that fit into their schedule. This might look like going out for a morning jog together or grabbing a coffee between meetings. Even if your partner doesn’t have time for a longer meal, these short dates can give you some quality time.
- Make sure that you have your own busy, full life away from your partner. A rich, fulfilling life of your own will make it so much easier to deal with your partner’s busy schedule. Join clubs, enjoy a busy social life, exercise, or engage in any other activities that keep you busy!
Overall, the busy pace of this profession isn’t likely to change over the course of your relationship. So, you’ll need to ask yourself whether you’re going to feel satisfied and secure enough to make it work.
3: Expect them to be a professional communicator (and not necessarily in a good way!)
Not all legal jobs take place in the courtroom, but in general, lawyers are trained to be expert negotiators, analysts, and logical thinkers. This can make them excellent communicators—but that’s not always beneficial to their personal relationships! Here’s why:
- Lawyers are good at making an air-tight case. Arguing with a lawyer can sometimes feel like they’re always two steps ahead—because they typically are! They’ve already thought about what you’re going to say so that they can have an answer at the ready.
- They don’t always operate with empathy. This, again, will depend on the type of law that your partner practices, but they’re usually trained to think rationally instead of emotionally. This can be a problem in their romantic relationships because they may not be accustomed to considering the feelings of the other person.
- They know how to seek out weaknesses in the other person’s argument. Not only are lawyers great at anticipating your side of the argument but they can also zero in on your weaknesses. This will make it easier for them to make you doubt yourself.
To be sure, many lawyers understand that arguments with their loved ones are not courtroom cases, and they can use their great communication skills to solve issues in the relationship in a healthy, respectful way. However, it’s important to be aware of the times that they may be relying on their professional training to undermine your feelings or justify their own behavior.
4: Understand that being a lawyer can be quite stressful
Stress is something that most lawyers have to contend with, but how they deal with it will vary from person to person. It’s a good idea to recognize the signs of stress in your partner, including:
- Overreactions and lack of patience.
- Trouble with intimacy.
- Overuse of escape tactics, such as watching television, scrolling on social media, video games, or alcohol and drug use.
- Disconnection from relationships.
Something to keep in mind is that even though stress may be part of the job, you don’t need to accept poor behavior in the relationship. If you notice that your partner doesn’t deal well with their stress load, let them know that you deserve to be treated with respect and care.
5: Suggest hobbies or activities that can help your partner disconnect and destress
If you want to help your partner deal with their stress, you might have a few activities in mind that will help them disconnect from work. These may include:
- Activities in nature. Hiking, kayaking, mountain climbing, fishing, and other activities that allow your partner to be in nature will be great for their mental health.
- Hands-on hobbies. Artistic endeavors that are tactile, such as pottery, drawing, painting, woodwork, or even welding, can give the lawyer in your life a chance to put down the phone and enter a flow state.
- Massages and other relaxing activities. Yoga, massage, meditation, and other calming activities can also be great stress-relieving methods.
6: Keep in mind that being a lawyer doesn’t always mean financial success
One common misconception about lawyers is that they’re all wealthy. While some types of law can be high-paying, others are not. And, there are a variety of other factors that can affect how wealthy a lawyer is, including:
- Student debt. Even if your partner didn’t go to a private law school, chances are, they may still be paying off their student debt.
- Other debts. Your partner may also have other debts that they’re paying off, such as car payments, a mortgage, credit card debts, spousal support, etc.
- Amount of experience in the field. How long your partner has been working at a certain firm can influence their salary. Someone fresh out of law school, for instance, will make significantly less money than someone with years of experience.
- Lifestyle choices. Regardless of salary, people have different spending habits that will determine their general financial stability. If you notice that your lawyer partner spends their money easily, don’t assume that it’s because they’re wildly wealthy. Instead, they may simply not have the financial literacy to make smart money decisions.
7: Get ready for an active social life
Many lawyers participate in an active social life, either to burn off steam, to advance their career, or because they are involved in charitable organizations. Here are a few of the activities you’re likely to be invited to when dating a lawyer:
- Work mixers and networking events. Whether it’s trivia night with coworkers or a networking event organized within the firm, these events can be an important part of your partner’s work life. They may choose to go to these events solo or partners may be invited to participate as well.
- Charity galas and fundraisers. Depending on the firm, your lawyer partner may be required or encouraged to attend charity galas throughout the year. These are typically formal events in which partners are invited.
- Summits and conferences. On the more professional side, your partner may be required to attend summits and conferences organized by their local bar association. These are not events that are open to non-lawyers, but you may be able to organize a shared trip around the summit or conference.
- Purely social activities. Lawyers are often social people who relax by spending time with friends. If you are more of an introverted person, this part of your partner’s life may feel overwhelming to you, but it may be an integral part of their self-care plan!
8: Don’t let them leave the house with a hair out of place!
One thing that may have drawn you to dating a lawyer in the first place is their great sense of style. The freshly-pressed suits and personal grooming habits are definitely attractive qualities!
Of course, just because you’re dating a lawyer doesn’t mean you need to be their personal stylist. But, keep in mind that they need to maintain a professional appearance for their clients and colleagues. So, if you notice that there’s a stain on their tie or they’re having a bad hair day, politely point it out to them.
9: Notice when your partner is being competitive
The legal field tends to be a pretty competitive environment. Whether they’re fighting on behalf of their client or vying for a promotion at work, that level of competition can easily become a way of life for your lawyer partner.
In some instances, this fact can be harmless! You may love your partner’s enthusiasm for board games or sports. And, it can mean that they’ve got the ambition and drive to be successful in their professional and personal life, which can benefit you, too!
But, it’s also important to keep an eye out for signs that their competitive nature can be harmful to the relationship. For instance, you’ll want to be aware of red flags such as:
- Jealousy. Jealousy can be an issue in any relationship, not just one in which you’re dating a lawyer. And, it should always be considered a red flag.
- Controlling behavior. A lawyer may be used to being in control of most situations, and can sometimes allow this to negatively impact their relationships. If you notice that your partner tries to control what you wear, how you spend your time, and who your friends are, consider it a big red flag.
- Personal insecurity. Being in a competitive field can sometimes lead to personal insecurities that can be a recipe for toxicity in a relationship. You may, for instance, find your partner putting you down or criticizing you to make themself feel better.
- Putting appearances above your well-being. A lawyer may feel pressured to keep up appearances in order to protect their reputation or relationship with colleagues. Take note of instances in which your partner asks you to hide your feelings in order to protect their own self-image.
As we said, competition isn’t always a bad thing, and your lawyer partner may not fall into these habits. As long as they treat you kindly and respectfully, their competitive nature can be an asset!
10: Support and encourage your partner’s future goals
One of the best things about the legal profession is that there are many opportunities for growth. So, don’t be surprised if your lawyer partner is constantly thinking about their professional future! This is an asset for a number of reasons, not only because you’ll be able to benefit from their success but also because their ambition can be contagious! As long as the two of you share a mutually supportive relationship, your partner’s determination and drive can create the perfect environment for you to achieve your own goals.
Of course, you’ll want to sit down with your partner and talk about how both of you can support and encourage each other’s future goals. By being clear about your needs and dreams for the future, you’ll ensure that you’re not putting your desires on the back burner while you support your partner.
How Are You Feeling About Dating a Lawyer?
In this article, we’ve shared some tips for navigating a romantic relationship with a lawyer. And, as you can see, there are plenty of positives and potential challenges that come with dating someone in this profession.
At the end of the day, there are many variables that can influence what a relationship with a lawyer will look like. So, it’s up to you to make your own decision about whether dating a lawyer is right for you!