10 Red Flags Not to Ignore When Dating Someone New

Knowing which 10 red flags not to ignore when dating someone new can save you a lot of time and heartbreak. But learning how to spot them may not come naturally to everyone! In fact, you may find yourself trying to make things work because there are certain aspects of the relationship that have potential. And on the other hand, we all know that there are plenty of people out there who know how to hide their red flags well.

In this article, we’ll guide you through how to spot even the subtle red flags that will predict the health of your relationship.

Red Flag #1: Love bombing

Love bombing is a conscious or unconscious tactic that people use to start off a relationship with a high level of intensity. You may have just met this person, and they’re already talking about introducing you to their family, creating a future with you, or feeling a deep, even spiritual connection. And in certain kinds of relationships, love bombing doesn’t always look like verbal affection. It can also come in the form of extravagant gifts and acts of service. If you’ve never had someone serve you breakfast in bed and then treat you to a day of shopping—all on their card—it can be easy to get swept up in the magic of the new relationship.

Being showered with love in this way can feel euphoric, which is why a lot of people don’t see it as a red flag at first. But, if it feels too good to be true, well, you know what they say. The intensity of love bombing is not sustainable, and in many cases, the relationship can end up souring quite painfully.

Red Flag #2: You never seem to get a word in edgewise

Someone who is interested in getting to know you will ask you questions about your hobbies, life goals, past experiences, and much more. So, if you’re spending all of your time together listening to them talk, consider it a red flag. This is especially true if they start making decisions for you, such as putting in your drink or food order without asking or making a plan for your next date without checking to see if you’re free or interested.

Red Flag #3: They’re fixated on appearances

There’s no denying that we all pay attention to the way we’re perceived, either in public or by our loved ones. But, if it seems that this partner is more focused on what others will think at the expense of your comfort or desires, don’t ignore that.

Let’s say, for instance, that you and your new beau are at a party at their friend’s house. You suddenly start to feel ill and think you might need to go home. But, when you talk to your partner about it, they say, “Think about what kind of impression you’re having on my friends by leaving the party early.” In this way, they’ve shown that your needs are not as important as the opinions of other people in their life. And that is certainly a red flag.

Red Flag #4: The timing isn’t right

Sometimes a red flag isn’t about a certain personality trait but rather a logistics issue. The two of you may have conflicting schedules that make planning dates hard. And if you’re not willing or able to shift things around to make it work, well, it might be time to find a partner with a more compatible calendar.

Red flag #5: They never apologize (even for little things)

There are a variety of reasons why someone might struggle with taking responsibility. They may have been conditioned at their workplace to focus on solutions rather than taking blame. Or, they may never have learned how to accept the consequences of their actions. Either way, it’s not a characteristic that is conducive to a healthy relationship.

So, if you find yourself running into a wall with someone who never apologizes, definitely be cautious. Of course, in the beginning of a relationship, the need to apologize to you may not arise. But, you can see this red flag in the way that they interact with others. Be wary of someone who doesn’t apologize for bumping into someone in public, for instance, or constantly blames others for something that was clearly their fault.

Red flag #6: You have wildly different ways of seeing the world

In some circumstances, it’s perfectly fine for a couple to have different worldviews. In fact, having differing opinions may lead to richer conversations and healthy debates.

But, if you’re too far removed on too many topics, you might find yourself getting tired of never agreeing on anything. You may even get so heated about certain topics as to feel nervous stating your opinion on things, and that can have a dangerous chilling effect on the relationship.

Red flag #7: Your communication styles don’t align

It’s no big reveal to say that communication is important in relationships. But not everyone communicates in the same way, and that’s not necessarily a red flag. That said, it’s something that you’ll want to pay close attention to as you’re starting to date someone new.

Let’s say, for instance, that your partner’s communication style is overly forward and honest. They never hold back, and are comfortable stating their opinion, even if it’s critical. You, on the other hand, may be very thoughtful with your words as a way to avoid conflict or protect the other person’s feelings. You can see how this mismatch could lead to frustration and hurt feelings.

Red flag #8: You’re looking for two different styles of relationships

From casual dating to courtship dating to polyamory, there are so many different kinds of relationships out there to choose from. And, it’s important to find out what kind of relationship you want so that you can avoid this particular red flag.

Early on in dating, get to know what your partner is looking for. Do they want kids someday? Are they looking for something easy and casual? Do they want a partner who is interested in opening up the relationship? It can feel uncomfortable to ask, but it will save you a lot of pain by getting it out in the open as soon as possible.

Red flag #9: They say they want a drama-free relationship

Sure, we all want a relationship that is harmonious, loving, and consistent. But be aware that saying “I want a drama-free relationship” might be code for “I don’t want to deal with your feelings.” The truth is, that all relationships have moments of disagreement and stress. And, you want a partner who is emotionally mature enough to work through problems instead of writing them off.

Red flag #10: You feel uneasy when you’re with them

Finally, one of the clearest red flags you can identify in a new relationship is your own feeling of comfort. Some specific red flags could be:

• Walking on eggshells so as not to upset them
• Wearing certain clothes or doing your hair a certain way so as to avoid criticism
• A general feeling of unease
• Self-esteem issues that have cropped up since starting your relationship
• Physical manifestations of stress such as stomach pain, headaches, or muscle aches.

If you experience these red flags when you’re dating someone new, trust your gut. You don’t have to spend time with someone who makes you unwell.

Final words about the 10 red flags not to ignore when dating someone new

In this article, we’ve highlighted some common red flags that can indicate an unhealthy or unhappy relationship if they’re not addressed. But keep in mind that they’re not one-size-fits-all for every relationship! Make sure that you take the time to reflect on the pros and cons of this potential partner, and consider talking it through with a loved one. And, if you think you can work through these red flags, make sure to voice your concerns with your partner before throwing in the towel.

With some experience, self-reflection, and confidence in yourself, you’ll be able to put together your own unique list of 10 red flags to not ignore when dating someone new.